Habits...

Habits... Hard to form easy to break... Kind of like trust:P

 

Anyways!! I say anyways too much:P I figured that I would touch on habits a lil bit here, because that is my current uphill slog... I recently got a job as a marketing admin (YAY:D), so now, not working ANY evenings or weekends, is the time to build up some good habits!

You never realize how long evenings are until you work an evening shift and go back to days. They just kind of yawn open before you, and usually I just end up going to bed early:P

Do I have things to be doing? You bet! But, being the procrastinator I am, I just piddle around with things and waste time until it truly is crunch time!

 

So I'm trying my very hardest to form some habits, and try to say no to things people ask me to do just because I don't have time, or if I do what they want I won't have time to do what I truly need or want to be doing! Wow that was a run-on sentence!! But anyways, I'm trying to form some habits to give some sense of calm to my life.

 

First off, I didn't sign up for a CIP (REALLY hard courses) class this year. At this point there are other things I would like to prioritize. I'm hoping to sign up for some Winter Craft Sales, so I need to start working on those applications, as well as making more product!! My loom has sat vacant for the last month:(

 

I'm also training for a marathon. Not to race in a marathon (not yet anyways), but to do it just for me! Just to prove that I can do it! And also in preparation for something called The Canadian Death Race. 125km through the Rockies. Oh yeah! Because that's totally happening!!!

 

So basically, the habits I'm working on right now are running and sewing/weaving. Is it going to be easy? HELL NO!!! Will it be worth it in the end? Only time will tell!!

Is there something that you're super passionate about but just can't find the time?! In the words of Nike, JUST DO IT!!!

 

Someone Call the Mechanic, I've Stalled!!!

Yup... I've stalled... Broke down... Constantly pacing and jittery as hell... Once again I think I've taken on too much (flexed my brave muscle a little too hard), and I think I've burnt myself out leading to another era of depression... Yipee...Now I can feel myself starting to withdraw from the world, and everything is getting that much harder to do again...

Thankfully, some things are wrapping up for me, so I can relax a little bit (hopefully), and get back to what I truly enjoy. Creating!! I got turned down from another store, which really didn't help the terrible week I seem to be having (lots of family stuff going on right now).

But, even though I'd much rather just lie here and wallow, I'm standing up again!! I'm taking the weekend off from thinking about money, or making money with all my cool stuff, and just create. For some reason (don't remember why), I didn't sign up for the market this week, so I have an open weekend ahead of me. I can catch up on sleep, relax, sketch, paint, write, and do whatever I want!

You know what this is?! SELF-CARE!!! Once again I've neglected self-care, and didn't say no, even when I probably should of, and everything just piled up on me. So this weekend I'm digging myself out of all the crap I've buried myself in, and just chillaxing. Maybe I'll go Market Shopping for next year? Who knows!! I am for sure living this weekend on a whim.

I'm also thinking of removing shipping charges for my Etsy shop, just to get myself going!! I've started my Facebook page and finally actually invited people to look at it. And speaking of Etsy, I totally just revamped, re-priced, and removed all shipping charges. Just to get me started. I JUST WANT THAT FIRST SALE!!!!!

Ugh... Anyways, I guess I'm not in as huge a slump as I thought, but I have to say I'm incredibly excited to not have anything to do this weekend. I'll probably do a few sketches, and for sure start sewing a larger bag together for etsy. It's not as big as I originally wanted (ran out of yarn and REALLY need that first sale to keep putting in money), but it's still a lot bigger than my purses/clutches. It also has multiple woven strands of different colours as well.

Oh!!! I also figured out how to weave really neat patterns on my loom. ...some of them I don't like, checkers and diamonds... But I think I can really do something cool and this kind of feels like the next step for it.

So, I wouldn't say that life is looking up, per se, but I have experienced some interesting new techniques that I'm pretty excited to try.

Ciao for now!!! Talk soon!!!

Me weaving in a historically correct outfit:)

My loom on display (and my crazy Mom and Aunt touching it when the sign says not too:P)

Rejection Sucks Skunk Junk

Now, I have been rejected before. Not often, and my mind tries to save me from being overly vulnerable most of the time, but it still sucks.

 

As a teenager I taught myself a pretty handy trick of "if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed when nothing happens." I have since learned that this is an INCREDIBLY unhealthy way of dealing with your feelings, and have been really trying to feel them... Which is probably why this stings so horribly now.

 

I'll back up a little bit here, and tell you that one of the stores who said that they might want to display my work turned me down... It was one I was kinda excited about since it's in a pretty big hotspot where I live, and my stuff would have fit in GREAT!! But... Apparently someone they are already displaying has similar products to mine... Ugh...

So yeah, went through a pretty BIG low... Where I pretty much just went home, snuggled up with my fur babies (Annie turned 2 yesterday!!!), and cried on the phone with my Mom... All while watching the movie "Bridesmaids." HILARIOUS by the way, if you haven't seen it yet!

Anyways, I wallowed for a while, licked my wounds, and then did something positive. I SET UP MY ETSY SHOP!!!! That's right!!! I'm now open for business!!! Super exciting!!! Oh, and I sent out some more pitches to a couple other boutiques around that sometimes carry artisans work.

On a whole, I think I managed to turn the day around. So, when you're in a low (unless it's a SERIOUS low where you should seek medical attention; END THE STIGMA), be sad, be mad, be upset, lick your wounds, but then STAND BACK UP!! Be like one of those Weeble Wobble toys where no matter how many hits they take, they just stand right back up again.

Only YOU can truly knock yourself down. So on that note, keep on creating and keep on fighting!! You totally got this!!

Ciao for now!!

 

Leica, jealous of her little sister

Annie, the Birthday Girl!!!

Hallelujah for the Internet!!

Thank God for the Internet!!! Without it I might not have (or it would have taken me a LOT longer) gotten up the courage to email a few boutiques I know of that display local artists works. The emailing itself wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be, but the fact that I got replies sent the blood pressure RIGHT UP!!!!

 

Then my imposter complex kicked in hardcore!! I mean yeah, my work is ok, but not store worthy!! Who do you think you are?!? To be honest, I'm still fighting with them. Etsy was one thing; you just post your stuff and people chose what they want. With this, one is a consignment store and the other one buys the works outright!! I'm terrified!!

 

But you know what? One thing is really shining through for me: I'd rather be sitting here terrified trying to get a hold of my friend who said she'd do my photographs then sitting here wondering what it would be like to have people who I don't know actually buy something I made!!

 

It'll either be amazing, or absolutely soul crushing... When you think about it, this isn't that much different from when I was applying at Farmers Markets. It just seems bigger because this is kind of the next step I guess...

 

Either way, I'm terrified yet excited. But either way, gotta keep on moving up at the  only reckless pace I know.

 

Keep on keeping on and taking the big risks!! Ciao for now!!! (btw, all items below are for sale :P)

The Question of Self Care!!

I am EXHAUSTED!!! I know right? She's talking about this again:P Anyways, from listening to my fav podcast, I'm learning about self care. This is something that, until recently, has been an incredibly foreign concept to me...

I mean, I'm VERY familiar with burnout, mental breakdowns, semi-psychotic episodes (as you all probably know by now:P), but self care? When I thought of self care, I thought of someone going to a spa for like a week and getting pampered and sitting poolside in a bikini and it goes on like that.

Who the hell has the time or money for that?! So I just figured, oh well, not achievable, I'll just ignore it, apparently until my mind and body short circuit on me and my head explodes (not literally, but pretty close). Next thing you know I'm in therapy and my meds have been upped. WHEW!!! But that was last summer!!

I completely agree that the pre-conceived notion (as I so carefully laid out above), is totally insane and unachievable for the average bear. BUT!!! What if that wasn't all that there was to self care?!

SAY WHAT?!

I recently re-listened to an episode of Raise Your Hand Say Yes, where the wise and wonderful Tiffany Han interviews Mara Glatzel about self care. Go listen to it and then come back!! I'll wait!!

..........................................................Back yet?? OK GOOD!!!

Isn't that mind blowing?! It's such a simple concept, and yet it never occurred to me before. If I wasn't burning the candle at both ends, or completely burnt out, I wasn't doing it right!! But self care can be something as simple as making time to read a book, or take a bath, or even to close the door of the bathroom when I have to pee (I can only do this when my hubby is home, because I have a dog who is a Houdini re-incarnate and can get into and out of anything and requires pretty much constant supervision).

So recently I've decided to test this out. I finished reading a book (War of Art, seriously, give 'er a read!!) that wasn't assigned reading in I don't know how long, I've taken baths with a candle lit (I'm a bit of a clutz and our house is made of completely wood, so we limit it to 1), and I'm taking my time doing things and actually enjoying them. I'm meditating more, and have even signed up for an online course on Chakra's given by Lacy Young (another person who I've ranted and raved about)!!

This is all in the effort of just feeling more centered, and not constantly feeling strung out and stressed out. These are NOT good for someone without mental illness, never mind for someone who does!

It's also about Inner Peace, which I personally think goes hand in hand with Self Care, because without Self Care how can you ever hope to achieve Inner Peace?

So basically I'm trying a few different things to try and keep my spirits up, my creative juices flowing, and just feel more centered overall!! Because, as I previously mentioned, things have been kinda bust lately.

But like I've said before, I'm stubborn as hell and now that I'm learning how to take care of myself a little bit better (probably going to do a whole post on Chakra's and all that, so stay tuned:P), so I'll keep it on through the slog!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!! Ciao for now!!

I Got Nothin'

Hello all!! 41st post!! ...alright I'll stop counting now...

 

Anyways, something interesting happened to me today. I didn't really want to do ANYTHING! Like nothing creative!

 

BUT! I've been reading a book called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. AMAZING by the way!! But this lack of drive kind of made me think of this book... It's basically about fighting through a "lack of inspiration" or as he calls it "The Resistance" and doing the work anyways.

 

So I decided to give it a try! This is something I have NEVER done before!! At least not mindfully thinking about it. It was totally weird. At first all I could think about was the million things I have to do at home (there really aren't that many, I made a list the other day and it's no where near as bad as I'm making it out to be:P), or about how instead of writing, maybe I should be drawing, or reading because I have books due back at the library in the near future.

 

Long story short, the muses were not with me. At first that is. A little background to what I'm doing these days (guess I haven't done this in a while!!), is that I'm trying to write a short, literary non-fiction story for a local magazine contest. I'm also trying to come up with new things to draw/sketch out, and I'm trying a thing where I'm pulling it ALL from memory (or many memories of different places all squashed together) and making a scenery drawing. I ADORE drawing scenery. I've gone from a few photo's lately, and it's not the same... Totally different actually, but I'm trying to only look at the horizons and different angles, not the picture itself.

 

Whew!! That was an off-rant and not really where I wanted to go with this. Anyways!! I finally sat down and forced myself to write. Little more background, I love writing, but I hate actually doing it if that makes any sense... I'm complex like that:P So I forced myself to pick up my pen (it looks like a syringe and needle:P) and made myself write for my whole break (15 minutes). It wasn't one of those "never let your pen stop moving things." No, I even set my pen down at times to try and remember exactly what happened. It's a hilarious story, but it happened way back in 2012, so I'm a little fuzzy on all the details.

 

What did I find with this quick little writing exercise? Well, once some of the kinks worked out (def going to be doing some heavy editing in some parts), things actually started to flow. I actually started to get my groove of semi-formal writing back (I consider this informal:P). The weirdest thing I found was that it was actually pretty fun. I guess it's kind of like running for me, I really do enjoy it, but finding time for it and getting my butt out the door is really the hard part.

 

So where does "The War of Art" come in on all of this? Well, I probably never would have tried this little exercise out if I hadn't been reading it (I'm about 2/3 of the way done) and probably wasted time on my phone for the whole 15 minutes of my break. CRAZY PANTS!!

 

If you're looking for an amazing read, I would highly suggest it, along with a bunch of audio books I'm listening to right now (I can't read while I type at work so I just listen).

 

Anyways, have a good one!! Talk soon!!

The Big Four Oh!!!

Holy Moly!! When I started this blog I had no idea I'd be hitting 40 posts!! This is exciting!!!

Content though... Hmm... I guess I could reminisce about previous posts I've done... But I did that on the magical "Where has the time gone?" post. So what shall I do today...

 

Well, my plan here is to talk about my creativity of the weekend!! Since I live a way up here in Canada, I had last Friday off for Canada Day!! aka LONG WEEKEND!!!!! So, what have I been up to? Well, I think the better questions is what HAVEN'T I been up to!

 

Friday, Canada Day, my MLHS (Manitoba Living History Society if you don't do acronyms:P) was doing a demo/set up at a small museum in the city called Ross House. SUPER COOL!! This is one of the original Red River Settlement houses/museums that I had yet to go to, so I was super pumped, even if it was in a... Let's say less than reputable part of town? Didn't realize how bad a part until I got there, but we'll stick with the good, with this being the 40th post and all!!

 

Anyways, after a mild panic attack at being one of the first group there and not knowing exactly what was going on, I settled under a nice old tree and started to set up my Inkle Loom. Now, I couldn't weave with any of the super amazing yarn that I'd bought last weekend (pretty sure they didn't have fluorescent pink acrylic yarn in 1819), but I just did some more white & red for Canada Day. Worst comes to worst I just use it as part of my weaving demo in the future (it's actual wool). Other than socializing and listening to bagpipes for the next couple of hours, nothing really good came of that (did I mention NOT a good part of town?).

 

So, Ross House. I don't know the whole history of it, but I do know that it was Western Canada's first Post Office, and it was built in typical Red River Settler style. I mean you could still see the axe marks on the outer walls from where they were shaping the trees. Super cool right?! And some of the write-ups inside were also pretty cool. Would I go back? There's a possibility of no (NOT a good part of town), but it was an experience.

 

The next two days I was supposed to go and sit and weave at the 50th Annual Highland Games in Manitoba, but I was feeling a bit under the weather and didn't really think that a day of sitting in the Sun (NO trees or shade of any kind) would really help the situation. So Saturday I focused on more cleaning up in the house, and spent some quality time with our paper shredder (we had cable bills from this time last year... UGH!!). I also did a run by the Salvation Army Thrift Store and donated a whole bunch of my old school books and various other heavy as HELL things on Saturday. I think I may have broken something at the bottom of the donation bin with my textbooks and empty binders, but OH WELL!!! I'm helping the less fortunate with the added bonus of getting rid of a bunch of crap that's been sitting around in my house for the last... 4ish years?? Oh and I overflowed my recycling bin again:P Take that!!

 

Sunday was pretty much the same in regards of cleaning with one amazing added bonus... I FINISHED MY HOME-MADE WHITEBOARD/EARRING HOLDER!!! On Saturday (forgot that part), I found my old bathroom window (we re-did all our windows this Spring), cleaned it all up, and went on a cruise to go find some spray paint, steel wool, and various other stuff needed to make my ugly old bathroom window fit into my new sanctuary. Then I got busy sorting through the small forest of old papers and whatnot everywhere in our house (and I mean EVERYWHERE, it was like a treasure hunt), then played with our paper shredder. Hence filled up recycle bin.

 

Anyways, back to my creation!! It's amazing!! Half of it is a pane of glass (like oldschool glass) and the other half is screen. So, my plan was to paint the border and hang all my earrings (all 5 pairs:P) from the screen side, and then spray paint the back of the glass a light colour (I went with Ivory) so that I could use it as a white board (and maybe stick some of my power words up there:P). This was my first excursion with spray paint, and I have to say I did pretty good. There may or may not have been some mild guidance from my hubby, but I actually did all the work:D That was VERY exciting for me!! The border is like a sky blue, but a little brighter? I dunno, there's a pic of it hung up below (I'm writing this on lunch, but won't post until I have a pic of it:)).

 

I've also made some plans for when I can FINALLY paint my whole room (it's kind of a sickly yellow right now:()!! The actual walls are going to be Ivory (same shade as my white board), and the trim is all going to be the matching (or close to matching) colour of my screen thingy:D I'm so excited!!!

 

That won't be for a while tho, so I'm still trying to work out a colour scheme for everything else that I'm planning on putting in there. I'm thinking I'm going to use some Chalk Paint for my wardrobe/closet thingy and MAYBE drawers and desk (these were both my hubby's from WAY before we met, so I have to tread lightly here:P). But if not no biggie, I'm just excited to have my own space for the first time pretty much ever (came from a family of 6).

 

Anyways!!! This is all super exciting for me! I got to try spray paint, I'm going to get to try chalk paint, and I've managed to find floor space in my house that I haven't seen probably since shortly after we moved in!! The garage may be a bit messy (lots of random boxes I wasn't allowed to throw out...), but that's not my domain so who gives a bibble?!?

 

I'm also still working on all the amazing stuff that I mentioned in my last post!! I've been researching (thank you Youtube!!) a bunch of outdoorsy stuff, as well as FINALLY gotten my hubby to agree to letting me and my biggle (my 70lb dog Leica) go for a hike through Birds Hill Park. Not what I had in mind, but it works for now!!! I've also been looking into Etsy, and now all I really need are some good pictures of my works!! For that I need models... With long hair... Hmm... Maybe it's a good thing that I come from a big family:P Free labour!!!

 

TTFN, ta ta for now!!!

Taking Life by the Horns!

Have you ever experienced a soul crushing boredom? Like you feel like your life is on hold for one reason or another, and all you do is the exact same thing every day?

Yeah... This is completely me right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, and creativity is definitely an outlet for me, but I can't help but notice that all of my sketches lately have been about wandering off and having an adventure.

As a kid I was an avid reader of JRR Tolkien. I mean AVID!! I read The Hobbit and The LOTR so many times I lost count (it's WELL over 10). When I was a kid I didn't see why I enjoyed them, as I could have adventures every day. I could go out my door and disappear (I grew up on a LARGE farm). I had, relatively speaking, no responsibilities.

Now, as an adult, I look back on those books and seem to be waiting for my hoard of dwarves to come banging at my door, or for one of my crazy Uncle's to give me a ring that would require a llooonnnggg journey far away from here... Just waiting... Waiting... Like a caged bird... Waiting...

Well you know what?! I'M TIRED OF WAITING!!!! WAITING IS FOR THE WEAK AND I'M DONE!!! So you know what?!? This is a public statement to the internet!!! I'M NOT WAITING ANYMORE!!! I'm getting a business license for my little adventure at the farmers market!! I'm looking into winter Farmer's Markets!!! AND!!! I'M MAKING AN ETSY SHOP!!! That's right!!! AND I'M MAKING A WEBSITE!!! Not just mooching off google anymore, but my own legit website!!

I started listening (because I can't read a book at work I listen to them) to "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks, and he talks about the upper limit (look into it, it's a thing!). Well I've been upper-limiting the crap out of myself and I'm DONE!!! And not only in my business life, but in my personal life too!!

I'm KonMari-ing the hell out of my house this weekend (even though I'm already insanely busy) and getting all my crap from my in-laws house and I'm putting it in my room at home and organizing it and probably donating most of it, because man, do I have a LOT of crap!! And I'm GOING TO BE AN ADVENTURE GUIDE!!!!! If I can't do it in the mountains, then BY GOD I'm going to do it in Manitoba, the province where dreams go to die (mine do anyways).

My hubby is an outdoorsman (he's been there, done that, done pretty much everything I'm now interested in), BUT he hurt his shoulder and can't do much right now. Like much at all. And he's worried that I'll get hurt if I go out to the Canadian Shield and go on a DAY HIKE!! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT!!!! I WANT THIS!!! So I'll even start smaller!! I'll walk down the freaking boring-ass trails at Birds Hill Park!! Can't get much safer than that!! It's pretty much freaking paved!!!!

So I'll start with that!! Then when I prove that I won't trip over my own feet and fall to my untimely death (but what a way to go right?!?), I'll move up to something else equally boring and safe, and I'll keep on going until I've proven myself to the rest of the freaking world, I'm going to go on the whole crap-in-the-bush overnighter because that's what I want!! And I do what I want when I want. GRR!!!

...sorry about that... But really, what I was getting at was basically life is short! Do what you want! If you can't jump in head first right off the high-dive, then maybe try wading in. This burns me to the very core, because it's not my way, but you know what, if it's what you truly want, why not give it a try. Why not do the dinky ass little trails and work your way up to the awesome, climb a mountain in the middle of no-where is that actually a trail or just a part in the trees trail!!

Whatever it is, get uncomfortable!! Get to it!!