If you don't like it, CHANGE IT!!

The prime example of this is why I haven't posted on here in a while. I didn't like my job anymore, so I CHANGED IT!!! As a result, I've been very busy during the day, very tired, and have had a hacking cold/cough for almost a month now. 

BUT!! Let this be a shining example!! It applies to the creative world too!! We are so free to do whatever we want, whenever we want to! It's amazing! It's not the Dark Ages anymore, where we have to do what our Father's did, and their Father's before them, etc. etc. We can chose!

I, personally, have multiple diploma's (3 I think:P) and have taken many other types of courses on many types of things. And all of the thing's I there are multiple things that I self-study as well that have caught my fancy. This is probably why I'm having a hard time tacking down my branding... Hmm... Enlightenment!!

Anyways! It seems like all people talk about these days is how unhappy they are. How their life would be better if this or that was different, and in light of this, are hell-bent on making everyone else as miserable as they are! Ugh!! I'm getting unhappy just thinking about it.

But instead of throwing an adult-sized temper-tantrum, why not actually be an adult and look into other options! Don't like your job? Get a new one! Unhappy with where your life is going? Change the direction! CHANGE THE DIRECTION!! Life really is that simple! It's when we get bogged down in all of this worry and trying to "Keep up with the Jones's" as my mother would say. 

It all basically comes down to this new-age idea of simplifying. For example, I live in a 900ish square foot house. This is considered to be ridiculously small by today's standards. It's all about the big house and the nice things. How have I come to see this? More to clean, more to pay, and above all, more worry and less time to do what I want! I'm very happy in my little house. Hell, I would probably be just as happy as joining the Tiny House movement (would TOTALLY be for that). 

So basically do we really need all this crap? NO! It seems to be keeping us from truly enjoying life and cluttering us up. You can't follow your dreams if you have a million dollar mortgage (unless you want to get more into debt, UGH!).

Anyways, got a little off topic there... But anyways, if there's something you want to do, DO IT!! If there's somewhere you want to go, find a way to get there! You are never stuck!! You can always keep moving on any direction you want! Do it!! Let's get all excited and do this!! YEAH!!!

C'iao for now!!

Part of my personal Library (and funky hats!)!!

The More I Learn the Less I Know!!

Do you ever think you may have mastered something, just to find out you had NO CLUE what you were doing?? Happens to me all the time!! I think I'm understanding something and then BAM!!! Out of no where my mind is totally blown again!!

This seems to be especially true in my creative process. Or rather, in trying to plan out my business. I've tried to go back to basics and start from the ground up with branding... BUT I have so many ideas of where it could go, or where I want it to go, or colours, or themes, or... Well everything to be honest! I think I have it figured out, then I look at some old notes, or I get another idea from somewhere and I'm off again!!

Then there's all of the things that you're "supposed to know." I won't lie, I just learned what an SEO campaign was like two days ago, and that's because I googled it... And all the social media stuff!! I don't know about you all, but I get SO BORED on it!! Especially the comparing. I am a Type A to the core, and so if I see something that someone else has done (doesn't even have to be similar) and it looks better then something I've done I subconsciously give up. This is quickly followed by consciously giving up, and convincing myself that I don't like whatever it is I'm doing anymore.

Yup, I'm a balls to the wall, jump in with both feet kinda gal, who's quickly learning that this doesn't pair well with perfectionism. Nope, not at all. I'm learning though!

Last summer was a prime example of that. Was I ready for that Farmer's Market? Hell no!! Did I look like a complete and total amateur next to everyone else there? You bet!! But I showed the hell up every weekend, with my tiny little table and minimal stock. I would sit there and weave on my loom, or sew my stuff. I had two little signs (started with three but I got rid of one) that were obviously home made and looked kinda tacky (I'm working on it:P), a bright flowery tablecloth from Dollarama, and, by the end, two foam heads set up on a tub with some material thrown over it. The colour scheme was a mess, nothing matched, and I found out that I am worse at sales then I thought I was.

But I was there. I did it and I learned a lot. WITHOUT the internet and social media and etsy and all those other stores. SO! I'm doing a personal re-brand (we'll see how this works:P) and getting some professional looking stuff for my table. I haven't given up, but I will for sure be returning a few books to the library. You know why, because while they're interesting, I don't really need them. I've mastered the art of mailchimp, I'm blogging up a storm, I have an Etsy and Facebook page, and in the near(ish) future I plan on opening up a website.

So you know what!! Let's all take some risks here and git 'r done!! We don't need all these fancy courses or books or anything!! Just do the work!!

Well... That's my manifesto for the day...

Now it's time to get to work :P

C'iao for now!!!

Someone Call the Mechanic, I've Stalled!!!

Yup... I've stalled... Broke down... Constantly pacing and jittery as hell... Once again I think I've taken on too much (flexed my brave muscle a little too hard), and I think I've burnt myself out leading to another era of depression... Yipee...Now I can feel myself starting to withdraw from the world, and everything is getting that much harder to do again...

Thankfully, some things are wrapping up for me, so I can relax a little bit (hopefully), and get back to what I truly enjoy. Creating!! I got turned down from another store, which really didn't help the terrible week I seem to be having (lots of family stuff going on right now).

But, even though I'd much rather just lie here and wallow, I'm standing up again!! I'm taking the weekend off from thinking about money, or making money with all my cool stuff, and just create. For some reason (don't remember why), I didn't sign up for the market this week, so I have an open weekend ahead of me. I can catch up on sleep, relax, sketch, paint, write, and do whatever I want!

You know what this is?! SELF-CARE!!! Once again I've neglected self-care, and didn't say no, even when I probably should of, and everything just piled up on me. So this weekend I'm digging myself out of all the crap I've buried myself in, and just chillaxing. Maybe I'll go Market Shopping for next year? Who knows!! I am for sure living this weekend on a whim.

I'm also thinking of removing shipping charges for my Etsy shop, just to get myself going!! I've started my Facebook page and finally actually invited people to look at it. And speaking of Etsy, I totally just revamped, re-priced, and removed all shipping charges. Just to get me started. I JUST WANT THAT FIRST SALE!!!!!

Ugh... Anyways, I guess I'm not in as huge a slump as I thought, but I have to say I'm incredibly excited to not have anything to do this weekend. I'll probably do a few sketches, and for sure start sewing a larger bag together for etsy. It's not as big as I originally wanted (ran out of yarn and REALLY need that first sale to keep putting in money), but it's still a lot bigger than my purses/clutches. It also has multiple woven strands of different colours as well.

Oh!!! I also figured out how to weave really neat patterns on my loom. ...some of them I don't like, checkers and diamonds... But I think I can really do something cool and this kind of feels like the next step for it.

So, I wouldn't say that life is looking up, per se, but I have experienced some interesting new techniques that I'm pretty excited to try.

Ciao for now!!! Talk soon!!!

Me weaving in a historically correct outfit:)

My loom on display (and my crazy Mom and Aunt touching it when the sign says not too:P)

Rejection Sucks Skunk Junk

Now, I have been rejected before. Not often, and my mind tries to save me from being overly vulnerable most of the time, but it still sucks.

 

As a teenager I taught myself a pretty handy trick of "if you don't expect anything, you won't be disappointed when nothing happens." I have since learned that this is an INCREDIBLY unhealthy way of dealing with your feelings, and have been really trying to feel them... Which is probably why this stings so horribly now.

 

I'll back up a little bit here, and tell you that one of the stores who said that they might want to display my work turned me down... It was one I was kinda excited about since it's in a pretty big hotspot where I live, and my stuff would have fit in GREAT!! But... Apparently someone they are already displaying has similar products to mine... Ugh...

So yeah, went through a pretty BIG low... Where I pretty much just went home, snuggled up with my fur babies (Annie turned 2 yesterday!!!), and cried on the phone with my Mom... All while watching the movie "Bridesmaids." HILARIOUS by the way, if you haven't seen it yet!

Anyways, I wallowed for a while, licked my wounds, and then did something positive. I SET UP MY ETSY SHOP!!!! That's right!!! I'm now open for business!!! Super exciting!!! Oh, and I sent out some more pitches to a couple other boutiques around that sometimes carry artisans work.

On a whole, I think I managed to turn the day around. So, when you're in a low (unless it's a SERIOUS low where you should seek medical attention; END THE STIGMA), be sad, be mad, be upset, lick your wounds, but then STAND BACK UP!! Be like one of those Weeble Wobble toys where no matter how many hits they take, they just stand right back up again.

Only YOU can truly knock yourself down. So on that note, keep on creating and keep on fighting!! You totally got this!!

Ciao for now!!

 

Leica, jealous of her little sister

Annie, the Birthday Girl!!!

Photoshoot!!

Goood morning everyone!!

 

As I slowly make my way to work via a slowly rolling bus that was 4 minutes late when it picked me up, I have already come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be late for work today:P Oh well!!! Then I realized that it's been quite a while since I've written a blog post, and that's just not ok!!

So, I'll start with what I finally managed to work up the courage to do last night, and since you're all wonderfully smart people who read my title for today's post, you can more than likely guess what that is. I finally got the guts to stop stalling, gather up all my works, and just take some freaking pictures already!!

 

I do, unfortunately, live in a city, but in a super old part with lots of trees, and my back yard is completely river rock (it's a dog issue, don't ask:P). So when I finally decided to take pictures myself, with my lil camera phone, I found plenty of places to snap a few shots! I even made an appearance in a couple of them:P But it was insanely bright out so I had my sunglasses on:P

 

The point is, even though I am by NO means a professional, or even semi-professional photographer (I don't even own an actual camera!), I went out there and got shit done!! Instead of stalling and waiting for my pal who IS a semi-pro photographer to be available, and then waiting for us both to be available at the same time (we're both insanely busy) I just went out and did it!

 

You know how much it cost me? NOTHING!!! I just took some, in my opinion, half decent pics that just need a lil bit of editing, for absolutely free. I just arranged my products in a way I thought looked kinda cool and artsy fartsy, and went for it!!

 

And, after some minimal editing, I will be sending these pics off to two stores (possibly more, I keep finding them) who I just reached out to. That's right, they didn't find me, I found them. I'm starting to realize that nothing happens in life without you first asking a question, and forcing your way in:P

 

That's right!! I'm breaking and entering my way into the art scene!! Who's with me?!?!

Hallelujah for the Internet!!

Thank God for the Internet!!! Without it I might not have (or it would have taken me a LOT longer) gotten up the courage to email a few boutiques I know of that display local artists works. The emailing itself wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be, but the fact that I got replies sent the blood pressure RIGHT UP!!!!

 

Then my imposter complex kicked in hardcore!! I mean yeah, my work is ok, but not store worthy!! Who do you think you are?!? To be honest, I'm still fighting with them. Etsy was one thing; you just post your stuff and people chose what they want. With this, one is a consignment store and the other one buys the works outright!! I'm terrified!!

 

But you know what? One thing is really shining through for me: I'd rather be sitting here terrified trying to get a hold of my friend who said she'd do my photographs then sitting here wondering what it would be like to have people who I don't know actually buy something I made!!

 

It'll either be amazing, or absolutely soul crushing... When you think about it, this isn't that much different from when I was applying at Farmers Markets. It just seems bigger because this is kind of the next step I guess...

 

Either way, I'm terrified yet excited. But either way, gotta keep on moving up at the  only reckless pace I know.

 

Keep on keeping on and taking the big risks!! Ciao for now!!! (btw, all items below are for sale :P)

Rethinking and Refocusing!

So! I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, chronic anxiety, and OCD... Not a new thing for me, but if I'm not constantly aware of it, it kind of takes on a life of it's own. It starts to control me! This is not even an over-exaggeration.

Depression makes me want to recede into myself. Anxiety makes me... Well anxious about everything and anything. Oh the anxiety, but we'll touch more on that later. And the OCD makes me want to put everything just so, and if it can't be just so then whatever, it can't be worth it.

All of these little wonders have been giving me chronic tension headaches like I haven't had in YEARS!! On the one hand, I guess it's a good thing because I'm getting out there and trying new things. On the other hand though, they are INCREDIBLY painful (bordering on migraine) and are really not helping me to grow and evolve as a person and as a multi-potentialite. So what the heck!?!

I think this is my body's way of telling my to SLOW DOWN!!!!! Not physically, I'm not really running myself physically ragged (quite the opposite:P Yay Chocolate!!), but mentally. I've been overthinking at a pace that I'm pretty sure a Bullet Train couldn't keep up with (or something else really fast).

I've been worrying and thinking about so many things that my body is starting to react physically. So I kinda zenned (it's a word if I say so) in and tried to refocus. What's really bothering me?

Well, to start I think that it might have started by reading/listening to two inspirational books at the same time, both telling me to GET OUT THERE AND DO WHAT YOU DO BEST!!! MAKE ART!! ...yeah that's all well and good, but it's REALLY not that simple with a mental illness. Like at all! My body was screaming at me, but I'm of the stubborn variety (I could out-stubborn my parents even when I was 5), so I just kept schlepping away at it. Trying to organize/paint/draw/sew, and throw in a little financial worries in there and just exhaustion, things weren't going so hot.

Plus work was being a drag, so on top of all the things going on in my personal life, I was constantly on the edge of tears. Ugh... Just writing this is bringing up all those icky feelings. All of this, along with the wonders of mental illness, brought me to my knees. Something had to stop this swirling in my glass box of emotion:P

So I sat back (in the Sun at my Farmer's Market) and really thought about it. What do I really need to do?? What's REALLY the reason I'm sitting on the edge of a full blown panic attack??

Well, I came up with a whole list of To Do's/Wish Lists/You name it, it was probably on the list. That made me feel much better, because now I get to CROSS IT OFF THE LIST!!! YAY!!! But it also made me think a little deeper about my current Farmer's Market experience...

I don't think I'm in the right crowd for my wares... The market I'm currently at is incredibly rural, and the baking goes the fastest. Clothes/Accessories (except jewelry for some reason?) don't really seem to sell. Things like Norwex, Avon, Epicure, small knitting projects, blankets, etc. seem to go over really well... I have a lot of people come and look at my loom and go "Oh wow!! That's really cool!!", but they don't seem to be terribly interested in what I'm selling. I've decided that I'm going to:
1. Lower my prices for now to maybe help it catch on
2. Set up an Etsy market postey hastey
3. Try trade shows/craft shows in more artsy places over the winter and see how I like it

If Etsy takes off I might just say screw it to the whole Farmer's Markets and just stick with artsy Trade Shows and online sales. I think that's something that's really been bugging me a lot lately. And if the rain stops by tonight, I'm going to start taking pictures of what I've done so far!! There!! It's decided!! I'll do it in my riverstone backyard in front of one of my old elm trees!!

I've reworked things a few times, but I think that this might be my biggest reworking yet. We'll see how the summer goes!!

Ciao for now!!

I Got Nothin'

Hello all!! 41st post!! ...alright I'll stop counting now...

 

Anyways, something interesting happened to me today. I didn't really want to do ANYTHING! Like nothing creative!

 

BUT! I've been reading a book called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. AMAZING by the way!! But this lack of drive kind of made me think of this book... It's basically about fighting through a "lack of inspiration" or as he calls it "The Resistance" and doing the work anyways.

 

So I decided to give it a try! This is something I have NEVER done before!! At least not mindfully thinking about it. It was totally weird. At first all I could think about was the million things I have to do at home (there really aren't that many, I made a list the other day and it's no where near as bad as I'm making it out to be:P), or about how instead of writing, maybe I should be drawing, or reading because I have books due back at the library in the near future.

 

Long story short, the muses were not with me. At first that is. A little background to what I'm doing these days (guess I haven't done this in a while!!), is that I'm trying to write a short, literary non-fiction story for a local magazine contest. I'm also trying to come up with new things to draw/sketch out, and I'm trying a thing where I'm pulling it ALL from memory (or many memories of different places all squashed together) and making a scenery drawing. I ADORE drawing scenery. I've gone from a few photo's lately, and it's not the same... Totally different actually, but I'm trying to only look at the horizons and different angles, not the picture itself.

 

Whew!! That was an off-rant and not really where I wanted to go with this. Anyways!! I finally sat down and forced myself to write. Little more background, I love writing, but I hate actually doing it if that makes any sense... I'm complex like that:P So I forced myself to pick up my pen (it looks like a syringe and needle:P) and made myself write for my whole break (15 minutes). It wasn't one of those "never let your pen stop moving things." No, I even set my pen down at times to try and remember exactly what happened. It's a hilarious story, but it happened way back in 2012, so I'm a little fuzzy on all the details.

 

What did I find with this quick little writing exercise? Well, once some of the kinks worked out (def going to be doing some heavy editing in some parts), things actually started to flow. I actually started to get my groove of semi-formal writing back (I consider this informal:P). The weirdest thing I found was that it was actually pretty fun. I guess it's kind of like running for me, I really do enjoy it, but finding time for it and getting my butt out the door is really the hard part.

 

So where does "The War of Art" come in on all of this? Well, I probably never would have tried this little exercise out if I hadn't been reading it (I'm about 2/3 of the way done) and probably wasted time on my phone for the whole 15 minutes of my break. CRAZY PANTS!!

 

If you're looking for an amazing read, I would highly suggest it, along with a bunch of audio books I'm listening to right now (I can't read while I type at work so I just listen).

 

Anyways, have a good one!! Talk soon!!

Taking Life by the Horns!

Have you ever experienced a soul crushing boredom? Like you feel like your life is on hold for one reason or another, and all you do is the exact same thing every day?

Yeah... This is completely me right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, and creativity is definitely an outlet for me, but I can't help but notice that all of my sketches lately have been about wandering off and having an adventure.

As a kid I was an avid reader of JRR Tolkien. I mean AVID!! I read The Hobbit and The LOTR so many times I lost count (it's WELL over 10). When I was a kid I didn't see why I enjoyed them, as I could have adventures every day. I could go out my door and disappear (I grew up on a LARGE farm). I had, relatively speaking, no responsibilities.

Now, as an adult, I look back on those books and seem to be waiting for my hoard of dwarves to come banging at my door, or for one of my crazy Uncle's to give me a ring that would require a llooonnnggg journey far away from here... Just waiting... Waiting... Like a caged bird... Waiting...

Well you know what?! I'M TIRED OF WAITING!!!! WAITING IS FOR THE WEAK AND I'M DONE!!! So you know what?!? This is a public statement to the internet!!! I'M NOT WAITING ANYMORE!!! I'm getting a business license for my little adventure at the farmers market!! I'm looking into winter Farmer's Markets!!! AND!!! I'M MAKING AN ETSY SHOP!!! That's right!!! AND I'M MAKING A WEBSITE!!! Not just mooching off google anymore, but my own legit website!!

I started listening (because I can't read a book at work I listen to them) to "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks, and he talks about the upper limit (look into it, it's a thing!). Well I've been upper-limiting the crap out of myself and I'm DONE!!! And not only in my business life, but in my personal life too!!

I'm KonMari-ing the hell out of my house this weekend (even though I'm already insanely busy) and getting all my crap from my in-laws house and I'm putting it in my room at home and organizing it and probably donating most of it, because man, do I have a LOT of crap!! And I'm GOING TO BE AN ADVENTURE GUIDE!!!!! If I can't do it in the mountains, then BY GOD I'm going to do it in Manitoba, the province where dreams go to die (mine do anyways).

My hubby is an outdoorsman (he's been there, done that, done pretty much everything I'm now interested in), BUT he hurt his shoulder and can't do much right now. Like much at all. And he's worried that I'll get hurt if I go out to the Canadian Shield and go on a DAY HIKE!! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT!!!! I WANT THIS!!! So I'll even start smaller!! I'll walk down the freaking boring-ass trails at Birds Hill Park!! Can't get much safer than that!! It's pretty much freaking paved!!!!

So I'll start with that!! Then when I prove that I won't trip over my own feet and fall to my untimely death (but what a way to go right?!?), I'll move up to something else equally boring and safe, and I'll keep on going until I've proven myself to the rest of the freaking world, I'm going to go on the whole crap-in-the-bush overnighter because that's what I want!! And I do what I want when I want. GRR!!!

...sorry about that... But really, what I was getting at was basically life is short! Do what you want! If you can't jump in head first right off the high-dive, then maybe try wading in. This burns me to the very core, because it's not my way, but you know what, if it's what you truly want, why not give it a try. Why not do the dinky ass little trails and work your way up to the awesome, climb a mountain in the middle of no-where is that actually a trail or just a part in the trees trail!!

Whatever it is, get uncomfortable!! Get to it!!