Someone Call the Mechanic, I've Stalled!!!

Yup... I've stalled... Broke down... Constantly pacing and jittery as hell... Once again I think I've taken on too much (flexed my brave muscle a little too hard), and I think I've burnt myself out leading to another era of depression... Yipee...Now I can feel myself starting to withdraw from the world, and everything is getting that much harder to do again...

Thankfully, some things are wrapping up for me, so I can relax a little bit (hopefully), and get back to what I truly enjoy. Creating!! I got turned down from another store, which really didn't help the terrible week I seem to be having (lots of family stuff going on right now).

But, even though I'd much rather just lie here and wallow, I'm standing up again!! I'm taking the weekend off from thinking about money, or making money with all my cool stuff, and just create. For some reason (don't remember why), I didn't sign up for the market this week, so I have an open weekend ahead of me. I can catch up on sleep, relax, sketch, paint, write, and do whatever I want!

You know what this is?! SELF-CARE!!! Once again I've neglected self-care, and didn't say no, even when I probably should of, and everything just piled up on me. So this weekend I'm digging myself out of all the crap I've buried myself in, and just chillaxing. Maybe I'll go Market Shopping for next year? Who knows!! I am for sure living this weekend on a whim.

I'm also thinking of removing shipping charges for my Etsy shop, just to get myself going!! I've started my Facebook page and finally actually invited people to look at it. And speaking of Etsy, I totally just revamped, re-priced, and removed all shipping charges. Just to get me started. I JUST WANT THAT FIRST SALE!!!!!

Ugh... Anyways, I guess I'm not in as huge a slump as I thought, but I have to say I'm incredibly excited to not have anything to do this weekend. I'll probably do a few sketches, and for sure start sewing a larger bag together for etsy. It's not as big as I originally wanted (ran out of yarn and REALLY need that first sale to keep putting in money), but it's still a lot bigger than my purses/clutches. It also has multiple woven strands of different colours as well.

Oh!!! I also figured out how to weave really neat patterns on my loom. ...some of them I don't like, checkers and diamonds... But I think I can really do something cool and this kind of feels like the next step for it.

So, I wouldn't say that life is looking up, per se, but I have experienced some interesting new techniques that I'm pretty excited to try.

Ciao for now!!! Talk soon!!!

Me weaving in a historically correct outfit:)

My loom on display (and my crazy Mom and Aunt touching it when the sign says not too:P)

Three Cheers for Insomnia!!

Good morning peeps of the internet!!

...and good lord is it ever morning... It's currently rainy, miserable, Saturday, and I'm at work... Ugh... Not to mention I've been up since 3am... UGH...

Anyways, that's all the complaining, I swear!! I'm pretty used to the insomnia, I come from a long line of light/crummy sleepers. Today, however, I decided to try something different. With this style school I'm in, we're encouraged to dress how we want to portray ourselves and how we want to feel. So, instead of throwing on the first, usually dark and baggy, thing I saw, I decided to dress how I wanted to feel. AWAKE!! Imagine that :P

So, I have donned a skirt and bright shirt combo, and have accessorized myself all up! How do I feel? A lil bit better! I mean I'm still completely exhausted, but I don't feel like complete crap. Woohoo!!! ...the hot chocolate is for sure helping...

Isn't that insane though?? Just from what I'm wearing?? Gotta say that I'm absolutely loving this so far!! What will I discover next?? Nobody knows!!

Whelp, that's all I have for now, my brain is still quite fuzzy :P

Waking up and showing up!!

Even my puppies are sleepy...

Garfield had the Right Idea

Ugh... Monday... First Monday back at work...

First off, I feel the need to apologize for my lack of internet presence over the last week. I've been having a blast on a staycation, and today is my first day back at work.

So, how did my first Monday start? It started with me forgetting to turn my alarm back on, so I woke up at the time I was supposed to catch the bus... Yay me!! Anyways, stole my hubby's truck and made it to work on time, only to fight through a mountain of emails and tasks that have been compiling.

Anyways, enough negative! I had a fantastic week off!! I got some weaving done, got some painting done, sent off my application for a Farmer's Market, and overall just recharged a lil bit. It was fantastic (minus the previously mentioned spaz attack with the sewing machine).

I also played Slow Pitch for the first time in... The better part of a decade I would have to say... It was SUPER fun, and I'm playing with a great group of peeps. However, and I don't know if I've mentioned this yet or not, I have a REALLY hard time going back to something that I used to be good at when I was younger and finding that I now suck. Harsh right? I would never in a million years think that way about anyone else. I would applaud them for trying and being brave enough to get back into it. Me though? NOPE! In my perfectionists mind I have to be equally good, or better than, I used to be. No matter how long it's been since I last did it.

Horse riding is another example of this. When I was in high school I was pretty darn good at it. I was winning ribbons and taking names. But I was also riding multiple times a week, and the Bank of Parents was still open for business. Now that I'm an adult with actual bills, priorities, and family (fur family counts too!), I actually have financial constraints. So, I rode less and less, and eventually stopped. Last summer I decided that I would try a new type of riding (I used to show in hunter/jumper), endurance riding, with a friend of mine. She even let me borrow her horse in exchange for helping out around the barn.

The result? Disaster. For some reason, my brain was expecting me to hop right back in the saddle and be able to ride for hours on end, after not riding at all for a couple of years. The horse I was riding was also a spooky Arabian, and though very sweet, she seemed to think that the world was conspiring against her. Now, back in the day this was no issue. Hell, I learned how to ride on a VERY SIMILAR spooky Arabian who's greatest ambition in the world was to buck me off (sometimes rodeo style). I had developed quite a deep seat, and horses were very hard-pressed getting me off. This was what my brain was expecting; something my poor body could no longer deliver.

The first time I fell off, I had a complete meltdown (the fact that I was changing anti-depressants at the time did NOT help matters). The second time, I hadn't quite recovered from my first meltdown and dissolved into tears of frustration again. The third time, I gave up and walked my horse the remaining 10km of the event. I was done. My mind couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my body could no longer deliver to the impossible standards of a cocky 18 year old.

The same thing (minus the multiple melt-downs) happened at Slow Pitch. I was writing cheques my body couldn't cash. Growing up I played quite often (my Mom was super into it so I naturally practiced lots), so I wasn't half bad. I had never really played competitively before, but this is a beer league, so no biggie. Right?

Well, after being unable to manage nothing better then a bunt, and being totally winded after running the bases (with a break at each one), something dawned on me. I'M NOT 18 ANYMORE!! Not to mention the fact that the most physical thing I've done all winter is climbing stairs and walking 2 blocks twice a day. The hardest thing about all of this? Letting myself be ok with it! Letting myself know that I'll get better as the summer goes on and not to worry about it. This isn't the Olympics, and as long as I'm having fun who gives a bibble?

I mean, yeah, my legs were killing me by the end of the night, and the day after I was given a cruel reminder that I do in fact have abdominal muscles. And thigh muscles. And calf muscles. And muscles in my arms. OWWWW!!! Moving for the next couple days was not that much fun. But I did it. And I'll do it again this week (and this weekend, we have a tournament...).

The moral of my random rantings (that isn't entirely creative, but for sure applies to it), it's OK to suck at something that you used to be good at! The skills will come back if you give them time, and NO ONE is holding you to anywhere near the standards you're holding yourself to. Not-a-one!! Give yourself room to grow and you will, and you'll probably come out better then you were before!

Anyways, enough preaching for one day!! :P Hopefully my next post will be a lil more creative-based, but the moral applies to creativity as well, so close enough. :)

My pretty new glove :)

Newsletter Hell

So... I have officially forgotten how much work newsletters are... I've put in about 6 hours this weekend and I'm still not done... Ugh...

 

This reminds me that, while I absolutely love to write, editing it into a newsletter format is NOT my favourite thing to do. Ugh... Trying to get a hold of people for things is also super not overly fun...

 

HOWEVER!! The weekend was not a total hair-pulling newsletter fiasco, I also finally got off my ass and painted!!! Yay!!! This does require a little back story though!

 

So, last Friday it was pouring rain... My bus stop is about a 10 minute walk from work, down a sidewalk that is RIGHT beside a very battered road (I'm doing a photo-series on this, stay tuned), so there's puddles EVERYWHERE. Now, most motorists where I live either can't drive well, or are complete jerks, so, not only was I battling puddles on the sidewalk, drivers were constantly splashing me. I was also only wearing a hoodie and my runners (my rubber boots cut off the circulation to my legs, and it wasn't raining when I left home in the morning half asleep). The only thing I really had going for me was the fact that I had an umbrella. But, if any of you live on the bald prairies in the spring, it was windy as sin so my umbrella kept blowing inside out; not much help.

 

At this point, understandably I think, I was soaked and incredibly cranky. Oh! It was also pretty much the only day last week that I didn't drive to work, and it was the only day last week that we had a torrential downpour. So, completely soaked and incredibly cranky, my mind turned to what I had to get done this weekend. I had been wanting to paint for WEEKS (as mentioned in previous posts), and since water was currently the bane of my existence, I decided I was going to paint a puddle with watercolour. I have never used watercolour as an adult. When I was super young we had little watercolour kits we would mess around with, but that was probably 20 years ago...

 

Raise Your Hand Say Yes right? So for accountability purposes, I put it up on Facebook for all my family and friends to see. Not too sure about the rest of the world, but this is super scary for me. I don't normally let people know when I'm doing creative things. Up on Facebook it went, my sweeping declaration that I was going to paint a puddle with watercolour paints. BAM!!

 

Well, true to form I put it off, and put it off, and put it off some more. Even though it was something a really wanted to try. Finally, after looking at my art kit thing (got it at Micheals a couple years ago, first time I've actually used it:P) for a couple hours, I found my multimedia sketchbook, got a lil glass of water, and went to town. What did I find out? I LOVE watercolour!! It's super fun and easy to mix colours right on the page. My technique leaves much to be desired, and if I didn't point out the fact that it's a puddle I think most people would have thought that it was a blue blob surrounded by brown with some blue lines on it (it was still raining when I was painting, so more rain seemed apt), but it's still something I'm super duper proud of. For my first try, I had fun!!

 

Now, because I very seldom do things halfway, not only did I tell the people of Facebook that I was going to do this, I actually POSTED IT on facebook (and instagram, but I do that with all my doodles and trials so I'm used to that). The reaction? Quite a few likes and some real support. What did I think was going to happen? The absolute worse thing possibly imaginable, because that's just how I roll. Hi there Inner Critic! How are you doing? Guess what? I just totes outsmarted you, and I plan to do it again in the future!

 

So, maybe doing something absolutely terrifying and new isn't such a bad thing. I now truly believe that everyone should do it:)

 

Peace out Monday!!!

Fuzzy like Dryer Lint

Hello all!

 

I can say that now because (at least it looks like) people are actually reading!! Yay!! You make my year!!

 

I think it's going to be one of those days... You know the ones where your brain is almost too fuzzy to think, and where you have so much stuff to do you kind of want to lay down and take a nap?

 

Turns out making a to do list just ratcheted up my blood pressure even more... Go figure.

I started this post yesterday (got too busy to finish it :P), but since then I'm feeling a bit better!! I mean my brain is still fuzzy as hell, and I was going to take a picture of some dryer lint last night, but I didn't get home from my meeting until super late so yeah... No dryer lint from my copious laundry pile today... Maybe I can find a pic online... Yeah, I'll do that!

Anyways, like I was saying, feeling a lil bit better today! Got my newsletter all sorted out, so that should be OK in the next couple of days, and I think I may have tacked down my summer schedule and figured out the markets I would like to go in.

The stressy stressy part is now making the content... All while trying to make up clothing/fix rushed clothing for the MLHS (Manitoba Living History Society)... Some of it by hand... Ugh... Thank God I have a week off coming up!! I will probably be doing nothing but weaving and sewing and painting and drawing... Maybe I should enlist some free help... Hmm...

But anyways, after raiding my parents basement for material that my mom doesn't want anymore/won't use I think my larders are pretty well stocked for a sewing frenzy!! I just need to get some more crazy colourful thread and I'll be all set to go!! ...and maybe some more material, I have an addiction and I'm willing to admit it, just not ready to deal with it yet...

It's the painting/colouring book front that I'm concerned a lil more about, since this is the area that I'm the least experienced in and I kind of have no clue what to do/charge for it. I'm thinking that I'll start with a super low price to start out, then slowly raise them over the summer if people buy them... That's painting out of the way, but with the colouring books I'll have to make up my costs because they'll have to be done by a professional printer... Hmm... I guess the first thing to do would be to get quotes... I don't really want to do it if it's going to cost me $20 to print for a book that I can only sell for maybe $10, because at this point I'm thinking that as long as I can cover my costs I'm pretty well donating my time spent on any projects I'm doing. At least until people start to notice me and are willing to buy at the higher prices. But we'll see I guess!

I wouldn't mind taking a class on drawing etc., but really, who has the time!! CLAH!!! ...if you don't watch Jimmy Fallon that means "cackle like a hen"... Yes, I'm a nerd and proud to admit it!!!

Anyways, until next time (which will hopefully be soon, and hopefully I'll have something more interesting to say or a new project I've finished), TTFN, ta ta for now!!!

Image Courtesy of Google Images

Haha!! See, I found one :P

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Soo...

Where have I been? I was sick as a dog pretty much all weekend, so I gave myself the weekend off. Why? Because I can! I am trying to be a little nicer to myself and admit to myself when I really don't want to do anything, and I'm not just being lazy.

What did I do instead? I dragged myself to a sewing meet on Saturday, which I'm very glad I did, and pretty much just laid on the couch and slept/watched TV/read on my phone. Being a Type A person I usually feel guilty as hell doing this, and usually have about a million to dos buzzing in the back of my mind. The difference with last weekend? I gave myself permission to just RELAX! To not think about the to dos, the half finished projects, work, and all of those other things that buzz like a mosquito in my brain.

How does this relate to the creative process? Well, in every way that counts I'd say. Last week I was kind of feeling burnt out, exhausted, and just didn't really want to do anything. I finished what I was working on on my loom, there was nothing coming to mind to draw, and I just didn't really feel like making a blog post. I guess (aside from being sick) I just needed some relaxation and downtime.

So, I sewed something by hand with no pattern and very little help (I went rogue:P), I caught up on some TV shows, I re-watched the new Star Wars movie, and I got out the material for my next big sewing project. I did all this without thinking about applications for Markets this summer, without trying to figure out more branding, or a business strategy, and you know what? I had a blast, even though I felt slightly death-like.

But, even having a down-time weekend I still managed to get some creative fun stuff done. By that I mean I sewed a day-cap, which is a 1800's bonnet type hat. The pieces were cut out wrong and someone kind of threw it at me and went "Here, have fun!" I forgot to take a picture of it, so I might hold off now and wait until my whole outfit is sewn (that's what the material is going to be fore) and just get a pic with everything:)

In closing, I would have to say that I quite enjoyed my lil break, and it's left me feeling more invigorated for it (even though I'm still sick). This headache can go away any time though :P