Photoshoot!!

Goood morning everyone!!

 

As I slowly make my way to work via a slowly rolling bus that was 4 minutes late when it picked me up, I have already come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be late for work today:P Oh well!!! Then I realized that it's been quite a while since I've written a blog post, and that's just not ok!!

So, I'll start with what I finally managed to work up the courage to do last night, and since you're all wonderfully smart people who read my title for today's post, you can more than likely guess what that is. I finally got the guts to stop stalling, gather up all my works, and just take some freaking pictures already!!

 

I do, unfortunately, live in a city, but in a super old part with lots of trees, and my back yard is completely river rock (it's a dog issue, don't ask:P). So when I finally decided to take pictures myself, with my lil camera phone, I found plenty of places to snap a few shots! I even made an appearance in a couple of them:P But it was insanely bright out so I had my sunglasses on:P

 

The point is, even though I am by NO means a professional, or even semi-professional photographer (I don't even own an actual camera!), I went out there and got shit done!! Instead of stalling and waiting for my pal who IS a semi-pro photographer to be available, and then waiting for us both to be available at the same time (we're both insanely busy) I just went out and did it!

 

You know how much it cost me? NOTHING!!! I just took some, in my opinion, half decent pics that just need a lil bit of editing, for absolutely free. I just arranged my products in a way I thought looked kinda cool and artsy fartsy, and went for it!!

 

And, after some minimal editing, I will be sending these pics off to two stores (possibly more, I keep finding them) who I just reached out to. That's right, they didn't find me, I found them. I'm starting to realize that nothing happens in life without you first asking a question, and forcing your way in:P

 

That's right!! I'm breaking and entering my way into the art scene!! Who's with me?!?!

Hallelujah for the Internet!!

Thank God for the Internet!!! Without it I might not have (or it would have taken me a LOT longer) gotten up the courage to email a few boutiques I know of that display local artists works. The emailing itself wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be, but the fact that I got replies sent the blood pressure RIGHT UP!!!!

 

Then my imposter complex kicked in hardcore!! I mean yeah, my work is ok, but not store worthy!! Who do you think you are?!? To be honest, I'm still fighting with them. Etsy was one thing; you just post your stuff and people chose what they want. With this, one is a consignment store and the other one buys the works outright!! I'm terrified!!

 

But you know what? One thing is really shining through for me: I'd rather be sitting here terrified trying to get a hold of my friend who said she'd do my photographs then sitting here wondering what it would be like to have people who I don't know actually buy something I made!!

 

It'll either be amazing, or absolutely soul crushing... When you think about it, this isn't that much different from when I was applying at Farmers Markets. It just seems bigger because this is kind of the next step I guess...

 

Either way, I'm terrified yet excited. But either way, gotta keep on moving up at the  only reckless pace I know.

 

Keep on keeping on and taking the big risks!! Ciao for now!!! (btw, all items below are for sale :P)

You Only Fail If You Don't Try

Right?? That's what the saying is?? Because this is sucking pretty hardcore... Like really... Another day at the market and all I have to show for it is a peeling sunburn....

 

But it's not failure because I'm still trying!! So, I haven't really been talking about my Farmer's Market excursions since I started... That's because so far the only thing anyone's bought from me is a couple of sketches... And that was my Mom.... So not going too well...

This has caused me to do some looking inside and hard thinking. This is what I've come up with!

 

1) I have chosen the wrong market! The market that I chose is INCREDIBLY rural, with the

most popular booths being baking and knitting, and other things like that (and Norwex, everybody LOVES Norwex:P). They are simply not interested in more artsy things like hand-woven goods and sketches (that one may be on me, still learning on that front:P).

 

2) I may not do a Farmer's Market again next year. It just doesn't seem to be my thing. I will probably do the odd craft show (hoping for the bigger ones), but I find events like that every weekend to be incredibly draining...

 

3) I think I'm going to see how it goes over the net for the next couple months. A friend of mine has agreed to do my photography for my Etsy site, so I think I'll just chill on that for a while and see how I do for the summer.

 

4) A lot of people seem to be really interested in what I have to sell, but no one is sealing the deal, so maybe I'm just not a good salesperson in person. Maybe I should stick to the internet approach of doing things.

 

Anyways!! The point is I'm not giving up!! I've been told that it would be uncomfortable, and really hard in the beginning, and all I would do was work (which I pretty much do). Of course, for some reason I didn't imagine it being this hard (I see a lot of people on a facebook page I'm on doing things very successfully), but I firmly believe that there is no such thing as an overnight success. I just need to work harder!!

 

I'm thinking of making little bracelets for kids at the market (out of my first go on my Inkle Loom, so I'm not really giving away any prized merch), and then maybe sending out samples to some stores I know display made in Manitoba talent. I was just listening to my fav podcast this morning (you all know the one I'm talkin bout!!), and the guest said something that really resonated with me. I think it was Emily Mcdowell that was being interviewed, and she said that if someone's already doing something, she won't do it. It's not worth her time and she wants to stay innovative.

 

I've listened to this episode probably 100 times now, but it never really struck home until now. No-one else is really doing what I'm doing, so I just need to give it some time and get the hell to work!! With any luck someday (not any time in the near future but oh well) I'll be working from home and doing this for a living.

 

But for now, I must get back to my 9-5, because my "Lunch" half hour is ending (working a late shift today:P).

 

Have a good one!!!

 

The Question of Self Care!!

I am EXHAUSTED!!! I know right? She's talking about this again:P Anyways, from listening to my fav podcast, I'm learning about self care. This is something that, until recently, has been an incredibly foreign concept to me...

I mean, I'm VERY familiar with burnout, mental breakdowns, semi-psychotic episodes (as you all probably know by now:P), but self care? When I thought of self care, I thought of someone going to a spa for like a week and getting pampered and sitting poolside in a bikini and it goes on like that.

Who the hell has the time or money for that?! So I just figured, oh well, not achievable, I'll just ignore it, apparently until my mind and body short circuit on me and my head explodes (not literally, but pretty close). Next thing you know I'm in therapy and my meds have been upped. WHEW!!! But that was last summer!!

I completely agree that the pre-conceived notion (as I so carefully laid out above), is totally insane and unachievable for the average bear. BUT!!! What if that wasn't all that there was to self care?!

SAY WHAT?!

I recently re-listened to an episode of Raise Your Hand Say Yes, where the wise and wonderful Tiffany Han interviews Mara Glatzel about self care. Go listen to it and then come back!! I'll wait!!

..........................................................Back yet?? OK GOOD!!!

Isn't that mind blowing?! It's such a simple concept, and yet it never occurred to me before. If I wasn't burning the candle at both ends, or completely burnt out, I wasn't doing it right!! But self care can be something as simple as making time to read a book, or take a bath, or even to close the door of the bathroom when I have to pee (I can only do this when my hubby is home, because I have a dog who is a Houdini re-incarnate and can get into and out of anything and requires pretty much constant supervision).

So recently I've decided to test this out. I finished reading a book (War of Art, seriously, give 'er a read!!) that wasn't assigned reading in I don't know how long, I've taken baths with a candle lit (I'm a bit of a clutz and our house is made of completely wood, so we limit it to 1), and I'm taking my time doing things and actually enjoying them. I'm meditating more, and have even signed up for an online course on Chakra's given by Lacy Young (another person who I've ranted and raved about)!!

This is all in the effort of just feeling more centered, and not constantly feeling strung out and stressed out. These are NOT good for someone without mental illness, never mind for someone who does!

It's also about Inner Peace, which I personally think goes hand in hand with Self Care, because without Self Care how can you ever hope to achieve Inner Peace?

So basically I'm trying a few different things to try and keep my spirits up, my creative juices flowing, and just feel more centered overall!! Because, as I previously mentioned, things have been kinda bust lately.

But like I've said before, I'm stubborn as hell and now that I'm learning how to take care of myself a little bit better (probably going to do a whole post on Chakra's and all that, so stay tuned:P), so I'll keep it on through the slog!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!! Ciao for now!!

Rethinking and Refocusing!

So! I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, chronic anxiety, and OCD... Not a new thing for me, but if I'm not constantly aware of it, it kind of takes on a life of it's own. It starts to control me! This is not even an over-exaggeration.

Depression makes me want to recede into myself. Anxiety makes me... Well anxious about everything and anything. Oh the anxiety, but we'll touch more on that later. And the OCD makes me want to put everything just so, and if it can't be just so then whatever, it can't be worth it.

All of these little wonders have been giving me chronic tension headaches like I haven't had in YEARS!! On the one hand, I guess it's a good thing because I'm getting out there and trying new things. On the other hand though, they are INCREDIBLY painful (bordering on migraine) and are really not helping me to grow and evolve as a person and as a multi-potentialite. So what the heck!?!

I think this is my body's way of telling my to SLOW DOWN!!!!! Not physically, I'm not really running myself physically ragged (quite the opposite:P Yay Chocolate!!), but mentally. I've been overthinking at a pace that I'm pretty sure a Bullet Train couldn't keep up with (or something else really fast).

I've been worrying and thinking about so many things that my body is starting to react physically. So I kinda zenned (it's a word if I say so) in and tried to refocus. What's really bothering me?

Well, to start I think that it might have started by reading/listening to two inspirational books at the same time, both telling me to GET OUT THERE AND DO WHAT YOU DO BEST!!! MAKE ART!! ...yeah that's all well and good, but it's REALLY not that simple with a mental illness. Like at all! My body was screaming at me, but I'm of the stubborn variety (I could out-stubborn my parents even when I was 5), so I just kept schlepping away at it. Trying to organize/paint/draw/sew, and throw in a little financial worries in there and just exhaustion, things weren't going so hot.

Plus work was being a drag, so on top of all the things going on in my personal life, I was constantly on the edge of tears. Ugh... Just writing this is bringing up all those icky feelings. All of this, along with the wonders of mental illness, brought me to my knees. Something had to stop this swirling in my glass box of emotion:P

So I sat back (in the Sun at my Farmer's Market) and really thought about it. What do I really need to do?? What's REALLY the reason I'm sitting on the edge of a full blown panic attack??

Well, I came up with a whole list of To Do's/Wish Lists/You name it, it was probably on the list. That made me feel much better, because now I get to CROSS IT OFF THE LIST!!! YAY!!! But it also made me think a little deeper about my current Farmer's Market experience...

I don't think I'm in the right crowd for my wares... The market I'm currently at is incredibly rural, and the baking goes the fastest. Clothes/Accessories (except jewelry for some reason?) don't really seem to sell. Things like Norwex, Avon, Epicure, small knitting projects, blankets, etc. seem to go over really well... I have a lot of people come and look at my loom and go "Oh wow!! That's really cool!!", but they don't seem to be terribly interested in what I'm selling. I've decided that I'm going to:
1. Lower my prices for now to maybe help it catch on
2. Set up an Etsy market postey hastey
3. Try trade shows/craft shows in more artsy places over the winter and see how I like it

If Etsy takes off I might just say screw it to the whole Farmer's Markets and just stick with artsy Trade Shows and online sales. I think that's something that's really been bugging me a lot lately. And if the rain stops by tonight, I'm going to start taking pictures of what I've done so far!! There!! It's decided!! I'll do it in my riverstone backyard in front of one of my old elm trees!!

I've reworked things a few times, but I think that this might be my biggest reworking yet. We'll see how the summer goes!!

Ciao for now!!

I Got Nothin'

Hello all!! 41st post!! ...alright I'll stop counting now...

 

Anyways, something interesting happened to me today. I didn't really want to do ANYTHING! Like nothing creative!

 

BUT! I've been reading a book called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. AMAZING by the way!! But this lack of drive kind of made me think of this book... It's basically about fighting through a "lack of inspiration" or as he calls it "The Resistance" and doing the work anyways.

 

So I decided to give it a try! This is something I have NEVER done before!! At least not mindfully thinking about it. It was totally weird. At first all I could think about was the million things I have to do at home (there really aren't that many, I made a list the other day and it's no where near as bad as I'm making it out to be:P), or about how instead of writing, maybe I should be drawing, or reading because I have books due back at the library in the near future.

 

Long story short, the muses were not with me. At first that is. A little background to what I'm doing these days (guess I haven't done this in a while!!), is that I'm trying to write a short, literary non-fiction story for a local magazine contest. I'm also trying to come up with new things to draw/sketch out, and I'm trying a thing where I'm pulling it ALL from memory (or many memories of different places all squashed together) and making a scenery drawing. I ADORE drawing scenery. I've gone from a few photo's lately, and it's not the same... Totally different actually, but I'm trying to only look at the horizons and different angles, not the picture itself.

 

Whew!! That was an off-rant and not really where I wanted to go with this. Anyways!! I finally sat down and forced myself to write. Little more background, I love writing, but I hate actually doing it if that makes any sense... I'm complex like that:P So I forced myself to pick up my pen (it looks like a syringe and needle:P) and made myself write for my whole break (15 minutes). It wasn't one of those "never let your pen stop moving things." No, I even set my pen down at times to try and remember exactly what happened. It's a hilarious story, but it happened way back in 2012, so I'm a little fuzzy on all the details.

 

What did I find with this quick little writing exercise? Well, once some of the kinks worked out (def going to be doing some heavy editing in some parts), things actually started to flow. I actually started to get my groove of semi-formal writing back (I consider this informal:P). The weirdest thing I found was that it was actually pretty fun. I guess it's kind of like running for me, I really do enjoy it, but finding time for it and getting my butt out the door is really the hard part.

 

So where does "The War of Art" come in on all of this? Well, I probably never would have tried this little exercise out if I hadn't been reading it (I'm about 2/3 of the way done) and probably wasted time on my phone for the whole 15 minutes of my break. CRAZY PANTS!!

 

If you're looking for an amazing read, I would highly suggest it, along with a bunch of audio books I'm listening to right now (I can't read while I type at work so I just listen).

 

Anyways, have a good one!! Talk soon!!

The Big Four Oh!!!

Holy Moly!! When I started this blog I had no idea I'd be hitting 40 posts!! This is exciting!!!

Content though... Hmm... I guess I could reminisce about previous posts I've done... But I did that on the magical "Where has the time gone?" post. So what shall I do today...

 

Well, my plan here is to talk about my creativity of the weekend!! Since I live a way up here in Canada, I had last Friday off for Canada Day!! aka LONG WEEKEND!!!!! So, what have I been up to? Well, I think the better questions is what HAVEN'T I been up to!

 

Friday, Canada Day, my MLHS (Manitoba Living History Society if you don't do acronyms:P) was doing a demo/set up at a small museum in the city called Ross House. SUPER COOL!! This is one of the original Red River Settlement houses/museums that I had yet to go to, so I was super pumped, even if it was in a... Let's say less than reputable part of town? Didn't realize how bad a part until I got there, but we'll stick with the good, with this being the 40th post and all!!

 

Anyways, after a mild panic attack at being one of the first group there and not knowing exactly what was going on, I settled under a nice old tree and started to set up my Inkle Loom. Now, I couldn't weave with any of the super amazing yarn that I'd bought last weekend (pretty sure they didn't have fluorescent pink acrylic yarn in 1819), but I just did some more white & red for Canada Day. Worst comes to worst I just use it as part of my weaving demo in the future (it's actual wool). Other than socializing and listening to bagpipes for the next couple of hours, nothing really good came of that (did I mention NOT a good part of town?).

 

So, Ross House. I don't know the whole history of it, but I do know that it was Western Canada's first Post Office, and it was built in typical Red River Settler style. I mean you could still see the axe marks on the outer walls from where they were shaping the trees. Super cool right?! And some of the write-ups inside were also pretty cool. Would I go back? There's a possibility of no (NOT a good part of town), but it was an experience.

 

The next two days I was supposed to go and sit and weave at the 50th Annual Highland Games in Manitoba, but I was feeling a bit under the weather and didn't really think that a day of sitting in the Sun (NO trees or shade of any kind) would really help the situation. So Saturday I focused on more cleaning up in the house, and spent some quality time with our paper shredder (we had cable bills from this time last year... UGH!!). I also did a run by the Salvation Army Thrift Store and donated a whole bunch of my old school books and various other heavy as HELL things on Saturday. I think I may have broken something at the bottom of the donation bin with my textbooks and empty binders, but OH WELL!!! I'm helping the less fortunate with the added bonus of getting rid of a bunch of crap that's been sitting around in my house for the last... 4ish years?? Oh and I overflowed my recycling bin again:P Take that!!

 

Sunday was pretty much the same in regards of cleaning with one amazing added bonus... I FINISHED MY HOME-MADE WHITEBOARD/EARRING HOLDER!!! On Saturday (forgot that part), I found my old bathroom window (we re-did all our windows this Spring), cleaned it all up, and went on a cruise to go find some spray paint, steel wool, and various other stuff needed to make my ugly old bathroom window fit into my new sanctuary. Then I got busy sorting through the small forest of old papers and whatnot everywhere in our house (and I mean EVERYWHERE, it was like a treasure hunt), then played with our paper shredder. Hence filled up recycle bin.

 

Anyways, back to my creation!! It's amazing!! Half of it is a pane of glass (like oldschool glass) and the other half is screen. So, my plan was to paint the border and hang all my earrings (all 5 pairs:P) from the screen side, and then spray paint the back of the glass a light colour (I went with Ivory) so that I could use it as a white board (and maybe stick some of my power words up there:P). This was my first excursion with spray paint, and I have to say I did pretty good. There may or may not have been some mild guidance from my hubby, but I actually did all the work:D That was VERY exciting for me!! The border is like a sky blue, but a little brighter? I dunno, there's a pic of it hung up below (I'm writing this on lunch, but won't post until I have a pic of it:)).

 

I've also made some plans for when I can FINALLY paint my whole room (it's kind of a sickly yellow right now:()!! The actual walls are going to be Ivory (same shade as my white board), and the trim is all going to be the matching (or close to matching) colour of my screen thingy:D I'm so excited!!!

 

That won't be for a while tho, so I'm still trying to work out a colour scheme for everything else that I'm planning on putting in there. I'm thinking I'm going to use some Chalk Paint for my wardrobe/closet thingy and MAYBE drawers and desk (these were both my hubby's from WAY before we met, so I have to tread lightly here:P). But if not no biggie, I'm just excited to have my own space for the first time pretty much ever (came from a family of 6).

 

Anyways!!! This is all super exciting for me! I got to try spray paint, I'm going to get to try chalk paint, and I've managed to find floor space in my house that I haven't seen probably since shortly after we moved in!! The garage may be a bit messy (lots of random boxes I wasn't allowed to throw out...), but that's not my domain so who gives a bibble?!?

 

I'm also still working on all the amazing stuff that I mentioned in my last post!! I've been researching (thank you Youtube!!) a bunch of outdoorsy stuff, as well as FINALLY gotten my hubby to agree to letting me and my biggle (my 70lb dog Leica) go for a hike through Birds Hill Park. Not what I had in mind, but it works for now!!! I've also been looking into Etsy, and now all I really need are some good pictures of my works!! For that I need models... With long hair... Hmm... Maybe it's a good thing that I come from a big family:P Free labour!!!

 

TTFN, ta ta for now!!!