Hallelujah for the Internet!!

Thank God for the Internet!!! Without it I might not have (or it would have taken me a LOT longer) gotten up the courage to email a few boutiques I know of that display local artists works. The emailing itself wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be, but the fact that I got replies sent the blood pressure RIGHT UP!!!!

 

Then my imposter complex kicked in hardcore!! I mean yeah, my work is ok, but not store worthy!! Who do you think you are?!? To be honest, I'm still fighting with them. Etsy was one thing; you just post your stuff and people chose what they want. With this, one is a consignment store and the other one buys the works outright!! I'm terrified!!

 

But you know what? One thing is really shining through for me: I'd rather be sitting here terrified trying to get a hold of my friend who said she'd do my photographs then sitting here wondering what it would be like to have people who I don't know actually buy something I made!!

 

It'll either be amazing, or absolutely soul crushing... When you think about it, this isn't that much different from when I was applying at Farmers Markets. It just seems bigger because this is kind of the next step I guess...

 

Either way, I'm terrified yet excited. But either way, gotta keep on moving up at the  only reckless pace I know.

 

Keep on keeping on and taking the big risks!! Ciao for now!!! (btw, all items below are for sale :P)

Taking Life by the Horns!

Have you ever experienced a soul crushing boredom? Like you feel like your life is on hold for one reason or another, and all you do is the exact same thing every day?

Yeah... This is completely me right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, and creativity is definitely an outlet for me, but I can't help but notice that all of my sketches lately have been about wandering off and having an adventure.

As a kid I was an avid reader of JRR Tolkien. I mean AVID!! I read The Hobbit and The LOTR so many times I lost count (it's WELL over 10). When I was a kid I didn't see why I enjoyed them, as I could have adventures every day. I could go out my door and disappear (I grew up on a LARGE farm). I had, relatively speaking, no responsibilities.

Now, as an adult, I look back on those books and seem to be waiting for my hoard of dwarves to come banging at my door, or for one of my crazy Uncle's to give me a ring that would require a llooonnnggg journey far away from here... Just waiting... Waiting... Like a caged bird... Waiting...

Well you know what?! I'M TIRED OF WAITING!!!! WAITING IS FOR THE WEAK AND I'M DONE!!! So you know what?!? This is a public statement to the internet!!! I'M NOT WAITING ANYMORE!!! I'm getting a business license for my little adventure at the farmers market!! I'm looking into winter Farmer's Markets!!! AND!!! I'M MAKING AN ETSY SHOP!!! That's right!!! AND I'M MAKING A WEBSITE!!! Not just mooching off google anymore, but my own legit website!!

I started listening (because I can't read a book at work I listen to them) to "The Big Leap" by Gay Hendricks, and he talks about the upper limit (look into it, it's a thing!). Well I've been upper-limiting the crap out of myself and I'm DONE!!! And not only in my business life, but in my personal life too!!

I'm KonMari-ing the hell out of my house this weekend (even though I'm already insanely busy) and getting all my crap from my in-laws house and I'm putting it in my room at home and organizing it and probably donating most of it, because man, do I have a LOT of crap!! And I'm GOING TO BE AN ADVENTURE GUIDE!!!!! If I can't do it in the mountains, then BY GOD I'm going to do it in Manitoba, the province where dreams go to die (mine do anyways).

My hubby is an outdoorsman (he's been there, done that, done pretty much everything I'm now interested in), BUT he hurt his shoulder and can't do much right now. Like much at all. And he's worried that I'll get hurt if I go out to the Canadian Shield and go on a DAY HIKE!! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT!!!! I WANT THIS!!! So I'll even start smaller!! I'll walk down the freaking boring-ass trails at Birds Hill Park!! Can't get much safer than that!! It's pretty much freaking paved!!!!

So I'll start with that!! Then when I prove that I won't trip over my own feet and fall to my untimely death (but what a way to go right?!?), I'll move up to something else equally boring and safe, and I'll keep on going until I've proven myself to the rest of the freaking world, I'm going to go on the whole crap-in-the-bush overnighter because that's what I want!! And I do what I want when I want. GRR!!!

...sorry about that... But really, what I was getting at was basically life is short! Do what you want! If you can't jump in head first right off the high-dive, then maybe try wading in. This burns me to the very core, because it's not my way, but you know what, if it's what you truly want, why not give it a try. Why not do the dinky ass little trails and work your way up to the awesome, climb a mountain in the middle of no-where is that actually a trail or just a part in the trees trail!!

Whatever it is, get uncomfortable!! Get to it!!

Now What...

I have officially made the cutest lil Canada Day hand bag (totally for sale) and even figured out how to get a cute lil white flower on it. Couldn't try and sell it yesterday (Farmer's Market was cancelled), but it's still adorable!!

 

Anyways, that's beside the point! Today I'm going to do what I feel all bloggers do at some point. I'm going to blog about blogging!! But I'm not giving tips, or clues, or anything like that. First of all, because there are already WAAAYYY too many of those out there, and second, because I've only been blogging for like 4 months I don't reeeaaalllyyy have any tips and tricks.

No, I'm going to blog about content. I've always found it interesting how other people do it. A lot of people pre-write and schedule to have them sent out. If it works for some, AWESOME!! I'm not trying to criticize, I'm just experimenting.

I tried the whole "schedule send out," but it just felt kind of un-authentic to me. I wanted this blog to cronicle my descent into madness--I mean creative journey. So, that means writing it in the here and now. I also found that I didn't get as many hits and reads (I know I shouldn't but I follow these religiously and THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!). Call it superstition, but it just doesn't feel right if it's not me personally hitting that big scary publish button, and it reflected in the numbers.

I've also tried the "schedule set days to write a blog post." HA! I lasted, what, 2 posts on that? I think I'm too much of a flybytheseatofyourpantser (it's a word if I say so:P) to have anything that strict lined up. There's a passive aggressive part of me that just wants to rebel against any possible deadlines or goals I set for myself. I don't even like making appointments for things like doctors and stuff. UGH!!

Then there's the ONLY WRITE ABOUT ONE SUBJECT OR NO ONE WILL READ!!! I capitalize this because this is what I seem to hear the loudest. "If you don't blog about one thing and one thing only, your blog will fail and no one will read it!!" To that, my Renaissance Soul/Multipotential both laughs and has a mild panic attack!!

While yes, I agree that your blog should have some sort of general outline, what the hell is wrong with branching?! This is my creative journey sure, but in the meantime I've conquered some totally different and off track stuff, and you amazing people still read it!!

Again, if any of these is your approach to blogging and it's working for you, kudos!! Leave a link in the comments, I'd love to read them!! This is just me coming to the decision (and letting everyone else know), that I have decided to start my own style of blogging! 

It's called the "I just did or thought of something really cool to write about so I'm gonna hop to it" approach, or IJDOTOSRCTWASIGHTI if your're into acronyms:P

I have planned out a few things out to write about, but they're mostly tangents I started going off on in previous blogs that I haven't come back around to yet. As for new ideas, I just kinda get them on the fly.

Take this post for example, originally I was going to write about what I'm weaving right now and what awesome thing I'm going to turn it into, but then I thought of something better to say.

I guess what I'm saying is that yes, there are a lot of "Rules" out there for blogging, or anything really, but beautiful things can happen when you throw that rule book in the recycle bin (let's be Earth conscience here people:P) and take life by the horns!!

TTFN, Ta Ta for Now!!!

Whoops!! Missed a day!!

Oops!!! I already missed a day! To be fair though, I was insanely busy. First Farmer's Market can be marked as a success. Monetary-wise? Nope!! I lost $20 plus gas by going there, but experience? PRICELESS!! ...and hot... Apparently I need SPF 2000 and will be going to my local drug store to find some... UGH!!

As I may have already mentioned, I am of a STRONG Scottish heritage with VERY fair skin. When I was a kid I used to tan wonderfully, but then puberty hit and hhheeeellllloooo sun burns and freckles. Freckles aren't so bad, but the sun burn... OUCH!!! Totally feeling that today!!

But enough about that!! I've had a busy crafty weekend!! Last we spoke it was Friday, and I was FREAKING OUT about Sunday. Well, now I've come through to the other side and I'm still alive!!

The weekend started with Saturday... Turning down a trip to the lake with my hubby and my dogs (:'() to tie up all the loose ends for the next day. And, because I was heading that way anyways, I thought I'd drop by Plato's Closet (and there's a reason I'm naming them specifically) and try to sell off some jeans since it's a consignment store.

So off I went with my tub of jeans, piece of artwork to drop (remember craftivism drop was today), and my list of last minute stuff to do. My first stop was Plato's. First off, even though it's a consignment store, it feels like a regular store in the mall where you're being judged on EVERYTHING. So I dropped off my bin, and they said that they would let me know when they were done, but it would be about half an hour. Sounds good. Mmmmaaayyybbbeee 15 minutes later I saw they were done with my jeans. Turns out they "only accept skinny jeans"... Because that's the ONLY type of jeans that women wear. I took the $2.80, because apparently one pair of shorts I had were short and skanky enough, and my jeans and I walked next door to the Salvation Army Thrift Store. When I dumped that bin of jeans into the bin I was actually THANKED, and given a coupon. And more importantly treated like a human.

So, unless you aspire to be like Mean Girls, DO NOT SHOP AT PLATO'S CLOSET!!! You will regret it.

Anyways thought, when I'm super pissed I tend to do crazy things. So after that I went to the mall, bought a bikini, and dropped my painting in a La Vie En Rose change room. Something I would probably not had the guts to do beforehand. YAY for being angry!!! Then  I grabbed the rest of the stuff I needed for the next day (won't bore you with the details), and went home.

The day of the Farmers Market dawned wet and possibly stormy. It had been cancelled the week before due to the weather (it was intense), but this week the weather held!!

So, like I mentioned before, I didn't really sell anything (my Mom bought a couple of sketches that she really liked), but I met a lot of the other vendours and had some good conversations with people about my product and what I was doing. People seemed excited, but I didn't really have all that much selection, so no takers. 

But that was ok, because I sat on my loom all day, and now I have the start of a small purse/bag for Canada Day. 

Anyways, I'm sticking with the whole "You only fail if you don't try" saying and I'll be right back at 'er next weekend. WITH some sort of shade, and a lot more sunscreen:P

C'ioa for now!!! I'll post again tomorrow to make up for yesterday:P

What was I doing?

Question of my life... What was I doing? Where was I? In case you haven't noticed already, I'm a semi absentminded person. The old saying "You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached totally applies to me:P

But what does this have to do with my creative journey? Well, as I mentioned in my last post, Farmer's Market time is getting REALLY close... Like super close... So I'm kinda going into overdrive trying make up some content, and figure out exactly what I'm going to do.

I would really like to make some business cards, but 1. they're expensive and 2. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have about a million business cards in my wallet that I haven't even looked at. That's just my current wallet. An interesting tip I picked up from Tara Swiger's podcast (see previous post) was to have a notebook and take other people's email addresses or phone numbers. This was a very interesting concept to me, and, not going to lie, completely blew my mind!! Then I've effectively placed myself in the drivers seat, and I won't be refreshing my phone all day to see if anyone wanted to email me back! Super exciting idea! Another was not to stare awkwardly at people when they are checking out your wares. This may seem like a no brainer, but nothing annoys me more than people either staring at me when I'm trying to look at something, or trying to hard to sell me something. Urgh...

Anyways, that's not all I'm starting to peg down. I also need some kind of signage... This one is keeping me up nights. I don't really have the funds for a professionally made poster, but I also don't want it to look cheap and tacky... Maybe I'll grab some of my papercraft supplies from my inlaws this weekend (if I have time... Ugh...) and make it up. I'm thinking a posterboard is all that I need, and then just decorate it with my name and products and such... I dunno... I'll figure something out:)

The thing that, without a doubt, is stressing me out the most is the fact that I have to provide a table! Isn't that silly!! That and having a cash float! Also silly! I have loads of change kicking around home, I guess it's the bigger bills I'm stressing about... I'll have to ask my mom! She's done loads of silent auctions and this sort of thing. And the table!! Pretty sure I know some people with a portable table that I could borrow for the summer. Or even part of the summer. Hmm...

Leaving the totally stressed out line of thinking, things are shaping up!! Still an introvert living in an extrovert's world!!

And I'm going to do something that I've NEVER done before on this blog... I'm NOT going to add a picture:P Mainly because I haven't taken any new ones since yesterday of my Farmer's Market content:)

Have a good one!!

Hallelujah for Modern Pharmaceuticals!!!

Let the angels sing!!! I have had a good night sleep!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! This is the first time I can actually say I've had a decent sleep since... Hmmm... I can't really remember!!

So... Why don't I sleep? I'm kind of feeling like this might be a segway into another part of my creativity, which is mental health. I am a strong believer in awareness of this, as there is still a lot of stigma associated with it. I have been fighting with depression for the better part of a decade now, ranging from mild to pretty severe. I've had suicidal thoughts, I've made plans to kill myself. It's a real thing.

Was there anything going on in my life at the time? Not really. There were some big changes happening (I moved to the city to go to College), but nothing bad or troublesome. I had a lot of fun in College. I had a boyfriend for the first time, so it was strange having to think of someone else all the time, but again, nothing major.

However, all these little things added up to big things. Not to mention genetics. Like some people may be pre-disposed to diabetes, or heart conditions, I am pre-disposed to mental illness. It runs very strong on both sides of my family. I have a great Aunt on my mom's side who is bipolar, and both the men and women in both my mom and dad's families have depression.

So, I could have had a life full of daisies and sunshine, but I pretty much was screwed from the start. Again, much like if everyone in my family had a heart condition, I would have to be very careful as well.

Why am I telling you all this? Because yesterday, due to a severe lack of sleep, I had a borderline manic episode and had to call in sick to work to go to my doctors. This would be comparable to someone with a heart condition not feeling well and having to get their meds adjusted.

Why am I constantly comparing mental illness to physical illness? BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING!!!!! But why are people with mental illness singled out as different? STIGMA!! I have dealt with this most of my adult life, and it's just tiresome. Sure, it's the 21st century and most people don't really care much either way, but you would be surprised at how many closed minded people there are still out there today.

Like, would you tell someone who broke their ankle to "walk it off, if you ignore it, it'll get better?" NO!! That would be stupid!! You would take them to the hospital. So when someone tells a person with a mental illness to just "suck it up," it's completely devastating. Why should we always be singled out?

And because of people singling us out, a lot of people, especially men, are afraid to get help. They're afraid of what people will say/think of them. I, personally, have been told that anti-depressants "make you crazy, and if you just exercise a lot you'll be fine." Yeah... Been there, tried that, kinda wanted to die. I've also been told that "the pills are a placebo," and I've actually had people get mad at me for taking them.

Or another Classic Solution is just to "think about all you have in life, you have so much to be thankful for." Yeah, obviously, but you wouldn't tell the same thing to a person who's sick in bed with the flu to just "think about something else, it's all mind over matter."

But I digress! I have about a million more of these stories, some personal, some not, but they all say the same thing, "It's all in your head."  Yeah, maybe it is, but there's also a lot of chemicals all in your head and sometimes they're a lil bit outta wack, so medications help. I could go into all the scientifics of them all (cuz boy do I know them, and you bet I've used them), but you get the idea.

Parting thought? If not for modern pharmaceuticals I would either a) be in a mental institute, or b) be dead. So, think about that before you say something to someone with a mental illness, or bash on the medications that they need to take to, usually, survive.

Peace out y'all, keep on rockin!! :P

A couple of the many prescriptions I've tried to control my depression.