So... Why don't I sleep? I'm kind of feeling like this might be a segway into another part of my creativity, which is mental health. I am a strong believer in awareness of this, as there is still a lot of stigma associated with it. I have been fighting with depression for the better part of a decade now, ranging from mild to pretty severe. I've had suicidal thoughts, I've made plans to kill myself. It's a real thing.
Was there anything going on in my life at the time? Not really. There were some big changes happening (I moved to the city to go to College), but nothing bad or troublesome. I had a lot of fun in College. I had a boyfriend for the first time, so it was strange having to think of someone else all the time, but again, nothing major.
However, all these little things added up to big things. Not to mention genetics. Like some people may be pre-disposed to diabetes, or heart conditions, I am pre-disposed to mental illness. It runs very strong on both sides of my family. I have a great Aunt on my mom's side who is bipolar, and both the men and women in both my mom and dad's families have depression.
So, I could have had a life full of daisies and sunshine, but I pretty much was screwed from the start. Again, much like if everyone in my family had a heart condition, I would have to be very careful as well.
Why am I telling you all this? Because yesterday, due to a severe lack of sleep, I had a borderline manic episode and had to call in sick to work to go to my doctors. This would be comparable to someone with a heart condition not feeling well and having to get their meds adjusted.
Why am I constantly comparing mental illness to physical illness? BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING!!!!! But why are people with mental illness singled out as different? STIGMA!! I have dealt with this most of my adult life, and it's just tiresome. Sure, it's the 21st century and most people don't really care much either way, but you would be surprised at how many closed minded people there are still out there today.
Like, would you tell someone who broke their ankle to "walk it off, if you ignore it, it'll get better?" NO!! That would be stupid!! You would take them to the hospital. So when someone tells a person with a mental illness to just "suck it up," it's completely devastating. Why should we always be singled out?
And because of people singling us out, a lot of people, especially men, are afraid to get help. They're afraid of what people will say/think of them. I, personally, have been told that anti-depressants "make you crazy, and if you just exercise a lot you'll be fine." Yeah... Been there, tried that, kinda wanted to die. I've also been told that "the pills are a placebo," and I've actually had people get mad at me for taking them.
Or another Classic Solution is just to "think about all you have in life, you have so much to be thankful for." Yeah, obviously, but you wouldn't tell the same thing to a person who's sick in bed with the flu to just "think about something else, it's all mind over matter."
But I digress! I have about a million more of these stories, some personal, some not, but they all say the same thing, "It's all in your head." Yeah, maybe it is, but there's also a lot of chemicals all in your head and sometimes they're a lil bit outta wack, so medications help. I could go into all the scientifics of them all (cuz boy do I know them, and you bet I've used them), but you get the idea.
Parting thought? If not for modern pharmaceuticals I would either a) be in a mental institute, or b) be dead. So, think about that before you say something to someone with a mental illness, or bash on the medications that they need to take to, usually, survive.
Peace out y'all, keep on rockin!! :P
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| A couple of the many prescriptions I've tried to control my depression. |
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