I am EXHAUSTED!!! I know right? She's talking about this again:P Anyways, from listening to my fav podcast, I'm learning about self care. This is something that, until recently, has been an incredibly foreign concept to me...
I mean, I'm VERY familiar with burnout, mental breakdowns, semi-psychotic episodes (as you all probably know by now:P), but self care? When I thought of self care, I thought of someone going to a spa for like a week and getting pampered and sitting poolside in a bikini and it goes on like that.
Who the hell has the time or money for that?! So I just figured, oh well, not achievable, I'll just ignore it, apparently until my mind and body short circuit on me and my head explodes (not literally, but pretty close). Next thing you know I'm in therapy and my meds have been upped. WHEW!!! But that was last summer!!
I completely agree that the pre-conceived notion (as I so carefully laid out above), is totally insane and unachievable for the average bear. BUT!!! What if that wasn't all that there was to self care?!
SAY WHAT?!
I recently re-listened to an episode of Raise Your Hand Say Yes, where the wise and wonderful Tiffany Han interviews Mara Glatzel about self care. Go listen to it and then come back!! I'll wait!!
..........................................................Back yet?? OK GOOD!!!
Isn't that mind blowing?! It's such a simple concept, and yet it never occurred to me before. If I wasn't burning the candle at both ends, or completely burnt out, I wasn't doing it right!! But self care can be something as simple as making time to read a book, or take a bath, or even to close the door of the bathroom when I have to pee (I can only do this when my hubby is home, because I have a dog who is a Houdini re-incarnate and can get into and out of anything and requires pretty much constant supervision).
So recently I've decided to test this out. I finished reading a book (War of Art, seriously, give 'er a read!!) that wasn't assigned reading in I don't know how long, I've taken baths with a candle lit (I'm a bit of a clutz and our house is made of completely wood, so we limit it to 1), and I'm taking my time doing things and actually enjoying them. I'm meditating more, and have even signed up for an online course on Chakra's given by Lacy Young (another person who I've ranted and raved about)!!
This is all in the effort of just feeling more centered, and not constantly feeling strung out and stressed out. These are NOT good for someone without mental illness, never mind for someone who does!
It's also about Inner Peace, which I personally think goes hand in hand with Self Care, because without Self Care how can you ever hope to achieve Inner Peace?
So basically I'm trying a few different things to try and keep my spirits up, my creative juices flowing, and just feel more centered overall!! Because, as I previously mentioned, things have been kinda bust lately.
But like I've said before, I'm stubborn as hell and now that I'm learning how to take care of myself a little bit better (probably going to do a whole post on Chakra's and all that, so stay tuned:P), so I'll keep it on through the slog!!
Hope everyone is having a great week!! Ciao for now!!
Ugh... Monday... First Monday back at work...
First off, I feel the need to apologize for my lack of internet presence over the last week. I've been having a blast on a staycation, and today is my first day back at work.
So, how did my first Monday start? It started with me forgetting to turn my alarm back on, so I woke up at the time I was supposed to catch the bus... Yay me!! Anyways, stole my hubby's truck and made it to work on time, only to fight through a mountain of emails and tasks that have been compiling.
Anyways, enough negative! I had a fantastic week off!! I got some weaving done, got some painting done, sent off my application for a Farmer's Market, and overall just recharged a lil bit. It was fantastic (minus the previously mentioned spaz attack with the sewing machine).
I also played Slow Pitch for the first time in... The better part of a decade I would have to say... It was SUPER fun, and I'm playing with a great group of peeps. However, and I don't know if I've mentioned this yet or not, I have a REALLY hard time going back to something that I used to be good at when I was younger and finding that I now suck. Harsh right? I would never in a million years think that way about anyone else. I would applaud them for trying and being brave enough to get back into it. Me though? NOPE! In my perfectionists mind I have to be equally good, or better than, I used to be. No matter how long it's been since I last did it.
Horse riding is another example of this. When I was in high school I was pretty darn good at it. I was winning ribbons and taking names. But I was also riding multiple times a week, and the Bank of Parents was still open for business. Now that I'm an adult with actual bills, priorities, and family (fur family counts too!), I actually have financial constraints. So, I rode less and less, and eventually stopped. Last summer I decided that I would try a new type of riding (I used to show in hunter/jumper), endurance riding, with a friend of mine. She even let me borrow her horse in exchange for helping out around the barn.
The result? Disaster. For some reason, my brain was expecting me to hop right back in the saddle and be able to ride for hours on end, after not riding at all for a couple of years. The horse I was riding was also a spooky Arabian, and though very sweet, she seemed to think that the world was conspiring against her. Now, back in the day this was no issue. Hell, I learned how to ride on a VERY SIMILAR spooky Arabian who's greatest ambition in the world was to buck me off (sometimes rodeo style). I had developed quite a deep seat, and horses were very hard-pressed getting me off. This was what my brain was expecting; something my poor body could no longer deliver.
The first time I fell off, I had a complete meltdown (the fact that I was changing anti-depressants at the time did NOT help matters). The second time, I hadn't quite recovered from my first meltdown and dissolved into tears of frustration again. The third time, I gave up and walked my horse the remaining 10km of the event. I was done. My mind couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my body could no longer deliver to the impossible standards of a cocky 18 year old.
The same thing (minus the multiple melt-downs) happened at Slow Pitch. I was writing cheques my body couldn't cash. Growing up I played quite often (my Mom was super into it so I naturally practiced lots), so I wasn't half bad. I had never really played competitively before, but this is a beer league, so no biggie. Right?
Well, after being unable to manage nothing better then a bunt, and being totally winded after running the bases (with a break at each one), something dawned on me. I'M NOT 18 ANYMORE!! Not to mention the fact that the most physical thing I've done all winter is climbing stairs and walking 2 blocks twice a day. The hardest thing about all of this? Letting myself be ok with it! Letting myself know that I'll get better as the summer goes on and not to worry about it. This isn't the Olympics, and as long as I'm having fun who gives a bibble?
I mean, yeah, my legs were killing me by the end of the night, and the day after I was given a cruel reminder that I do in fact have abdominal muscles. And thigh muscles. And calf muscles. And muscles in my arms. OWWWW!!! Moving for the next couple days was not that much fun. But I did it. And I'll do it again this week (and this weekend, we have a tournament...).
The moral of my random rantings (that isn't entirely creative, but for sure applies to it), it's OK to suck at something that you used to be good at! The skills will come back if you give them time, and NO ONE is holding you to anywhere near the standards you're holding yourself to. Not-a-one!! Give yourself room to grow and you will, and you'll probably come out better then you were before!
Anyways, enough preaching for one day!! :P Hopefully my next post will be a lil more creative-based, but the moral applies to creativity as well, so close enough. :)
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| My pretty new glove :) |
Soo...
Where have I been? I was sick as a dog pretty much all weekend, so I gave myself the weekend off. Why? Because I can! I am trying to be a little nicer to myself and admit to myself when I really don't want to do anything, and I'm not just being lazy.
What did I do instead? I dragged myself to a sewing meet on Saturday, which I'm very glad I did, and pretty much just laid on the couch and slept/watched TV/read on my phone. Being a Type A person I usually feel guilty as hell doing this, and usually have about a million to dos buzzing in the back of my mind. The difference with last weekend? I gave myself permission to just RELAX! To not think about the to dos, the half finished projects, work, and all of those other things that buzz like a mosquito in my brain.
How does this relate to the creative process? Well, in every way that counts I'd say. Last week I was kind of feeling burnt out, exhausted, and just didn't really want to do anything. I finished what I was working on on my loom, there was nothing coming to mind to draw, and I just didn't really feel like making a blog post. I guess (aside from being sick) I just needed some relaxation and downtime.
So, I sewed something by hand with no pattern and very little help (I went rogue:P), I caught up on some TV shows, I re-watched the new Star Wars movie, and I got out the material for my next big sewing project. I did all this without thinking about applications for Markets this summer, without trying to figure out more branding, or a business strategy, and you know what? I had a blast, even though I felt slightly death-like.
But, even having a down-time weekend I still managed to get some creative fun stuff done. By that I mean I sewed a day-cap, which is a 1800's bonnet type hat. The pieces were cut out wrong and someone kind of threw it at me and went "Here, have fun!" I forgot to take a picture of it, so I might hold off now and wait until my whole outfit is sewn (that's what the material is going to be fore) and just get a pic with everything:)
In closing, I would have to say that I quite enjoyed my lil break, and it's left me feeling more invigorated for it (even though I'm still sick). This headache can go away any time though :P
